Anna

I wake up early - I haven’t been sleeping well this week. Trump won the election 48 hours ago. I’m not spiraling but I’m feeling numb and staying off social media. I haven’t spoken to my dad. I’ve texted almost everyone else I know and talked to six people on the phone so far. I wake up at 7, two hours before I have to sit in front of my laptop for work, and I re-read some of the messages. I turn my phone screen off and lay in bed with an uncomfortable awareness of the Harris/Walz signs still plastered all over Point Breeze just outside my window. Before I go downstairs to make coffee, I spend half an hour thinking about the people on the outskirts of my life, just out of reach of checking in: the cousin I don’t speak to after years of being insulted, the recent ex I hurt badly, and the college best friend I foolishly lost touch with, who I was with on the night of the 2016 election. I wonder if I’m protecting myself, emotionally, too much or not enough in this moment.

At nine, despite the horrible state of my bangs, I talk to my boss over Zoom for an hour. I’m the only designer at a tiny agency where the principal functions as the creative director, so the two of us spend lots of time checking in directly. She tells me about yesterday, when she was out of office attending a “women in business” type of event which made the bizarre choice to avoid all talk of politics. Two guest speakers in a row told deeply unrelatable stories about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

Luckily, there was a bright spot at the event - we recently rebranded a local-ish feminist history & advocacy organization, the Alice Paul Center. They had a presence at this event, a tradeshow-esque booth with a huge logo on the table and a patterned backdrop, both of which I designed. Their booth was flooded with visitors all day. My boss waxes poetic a bit about how at least social justice orgs will benefit from donations under another Trump presidency. I attempt to smile agreeably and screenshot Alice Paul’s posts for our records.

I work on my laptop most of the day until 5:30, taking a few breaks and moving between my desk, bed, and the couch downstairs a few times. When I’ve worked up an appetite, I make a fresh pot of rice and heat up some Japanese curry to eat with it. I’ve been making jasmine rice on the stove the same way my whole adult life. I’m on a budget, so I’m sticking with easy meals like the curry (medium-hot), one of my favorites.

I take a break around 2 to package and mail my mom’s birthday gift/s - a pair of origami crane earrings in colors she wears often and a cookbook of recipes that use chili crisp. She taught me to cook and I, being an informed 2020s food media consumer, taught her about chili crisp a few years back. Mom’s birthday in November is a good yearly signal to me that Christmas shopping is right around the corner. I’m a devoted gift wrapper - this time I pick a botanical print on creamy white paper, a gray-enveloped card, and a satiny black ribbon. I stuff the box with tissue paper padding and walk over to Broad Street with the package, but the post office is closed! The lights are on but there’s no warning and no sign in the door…I wonder if they’re preparing to close someday soon. I hang around despondently for twenty minutes before I have to go back to work. I’ll try the UPS store tomorrow. The box sits sadly in my living room and I draft a text to my mom in case her gift is late. I should have mailed it earlier anyway.

I work just a bit longer after my failed mail endeavor. I’m building a portfolio page on my agency’s website for our recent rebrand of a local school. Editing photos of cute little kids in smartly-branded uniforms is mostly heartening. I think about my mom confronting her elementary school students back in Washington the morning after the election. I text a couple more friends back. I fill out my timesheet for the week.

I finish work and drink the couple of terrible light beers in my fridge, left by a friend who was over to commiserate over a twelve-pack on Wednesday night. I still can’t bring myself to check anything online that might provide a recent news update. I make a couple plans for the weekend as I cobble together dinner from leftovers and some fruit I have in the fridge. I’m actively trying to occupy my brain.

I’m tired (it’s been an exhausting week but more to the point, I forgot a second cup of coffee) so I’ll go to bed early. First, I practice music - tomorrow is choir retreat and I have to report bright and early to a church in Center City. I haven’t been in choir for about three years and I’m still working the nerve back up to practice loudly at home. Magically, my housemates leave as soon as I get my music out. There are a couple more simple, traditional choir-y songs, but also an Alicia Keys song, Marvin Gaye, Tune-Yards, Beyoncé, a big range. I sing for two hours and take breaks to drink plenty of water. It’s taken weeks of rehearsals but, something I can really take to heart right now: I’m finally feeling like I’m back in good voice. I fall asleep quickly for the first time since Monday.

Anna is a queer designer working in Center City and living in Point Breeze. She spends her days walking through the city, befriending cats, eating and cooking all the good food she can afford, trying to make her (human) friends laugh, and singing. Follow her at @goodmorning.anna