Lindsay
8:57am Called the new vet to set up an appointment for my 8+ year old bunny. Clocked in for work.
9:28am Texted my best friend- Its her birthday! She lives in Germany so its afternoon time for her and wanted to catch her before it got late.
9:30ish I worked along side the mobile crisis team today. By happenstance, my spouse was scheduled to do the same today, too. Its really sweet working in similar spaces. Our schedules are unaligned and wacky and different right now, so I love seeing his familiar face at the office when we do overlap.
Work was good today. Quiet. Slow. Productive.
3:45pm Called the old (unreliable vet) to get her records transferred. Hung up. I’ll do it online instead.
4:25pm Clocked out of work and drove home.
5:00ish Got home. Tired. This is everyday.
5:30pm Called customer support. My coffee machine is broken. Cost $money$ to repair or pay $money$ to replace. Haven’t decided which to do yet, if either.
6:10ish I’m so worried about my bunny, hence the vet calls and all the recent vet visits. This issue has been going on for a couple weeks. Was able to lock down an appointment for her tomorrow with the new vet. Perfect! I’m so grateful! But, now, that has my wheels spinning and wondering how I’m going to make everything on the schedule tomorrow happen. I cant stop contemplating it. I logged back into work to see what/how I can make it happen. I make a Reel for my work’s page reminding people that its OK to ask for support before the full blown storm hits. This actually serves as a reminder for myself, too.
7:30pm- I logged onto my weekly support group meeting. This is one of the few things I do consistently. Thursdays, 7:30-8:30pm, Zoom meeting. Every time that I don't feel like it, I do it anyway because I know its going to help. It always does. I’ve been wallowing and feeling beaten down lately- like life has been slap boxing me for 3 weeks. I know the break is coming and I’m just trying to hold out. I’m being tested right now and I’m coping- so to speak- by mustering up a sliver of acceptance and wearing an “it is what it is” mask. There’s a glimmer coming soon, right?
8:40ish- Support group wrapped up. I was feeling indecisive and unsure and irritated about something. My confidence level was shot. I needed to process with my spouse. Sure, I could’ve shared all of this in my support group, but sometimes I don’t know how to say things to other people who don’t know my brain. Spouse just gets me. Overthinking- I’m really great at doing that. Its draining. I tried to explain. Then I became very aware and self-conscious of how I sounded. I also noticed how my brain/head felt- one of those physical feelings that comes with anxiety and OCD. Then I got so so overwhelmed. I broke down. I haven’t felt like I wanted to disappear into a hole in a long time, but tonight that feeling reappeared. I wanted to get knocked out until the slap-boxing was over. I sobbed.
Lost track of time- Spouse helped me calm down. We communicated and we did it effectively (GO TEAM!). The rain storm came through. We caught up on TV shows. I ate a snack on the couch. Then we went to bed.
I felt so much relief after that big cry.
Maybe this next round is mine.
Lindsay’s fav spot in the city is their cozy yellow couch. When not lounging, you can find them painting, hiking, and spending time with their bunnies. @honeyhatcomp on instagram
