Mars!

Tuesday April 16th. My Day Off.

I sleep in. I wake wistful from a dream for the 4th night in a row. I keep getting chances to either talk to people I no longer can or in ways I currently am not able. Like, ok, I appreciate the message and space but repeatedly holding conversations I can’t have is exhausting! Today I’m forced out of it by a knock. I bolt downstairs in case it's a delivery (it’s not). It was my neighbor’s door. Now I’m up. 

Warm spring flash brings hungry Ice Cream Eaters. Good for business, bad for me (the scooper). I’m sore today. As every morning, Rye the cat follows me through the filling of the pot, the scooping of the grinds, the steps of coffee. He loses interest and goes back upstairs to nap in the sun. I’m jealous. I sit down. I pay the utility bills. 

Sunscreened, I'm off to the store for the big pre-pesach shop. It is a Beautiful Day. The bus stop is sunny and the bus is generously early. I make three stops. At the last spot I buy 2 boxes of matzoh for $10 instead of 5 for $6, because I can’t eat 5lb of matzoh alone. I fill my bags with fresh fennel and dried lentils and cat food. I really ponder the cat food decision. I hum Spud Infinity by Big Thief the entire time. The self-checkout yells at me and spits me out a Canadian coin as change. 

I sprint to catch the 48 bus. I see it in the distance and briefly give up halfway down the block but lo - it’s caught by a red light mid intersection! I pick up my pace and the driver reluctantly lets me on. I’m extremely grateful - the driver is unimpressed. The bus is crowded, I stand in the bendy elbow armpit accordion. I like standing, my bags alone would take up 2 seats and the trip is quick. I surf the traffic flow. 

Unbag the haul, Rye comes yelling downstairs to inspect the goods. I call my dad. We talk about movies and silly things the family toddler has said lately and the uselessness of late stage capitalism in the scope of fundamental human suffering. He says for the first time in decades he’s scared of nuclear war again. He says the ferns are pushing up their fiddleheads in the backyard, as they always do. 

I see a tweet from a friend I dreamt of talking with a few nights ago. I miss an instance of him that doesn’t exist anymore. I feel embarrassed for selling out and/or getting better, but only for a second. I go outside to spray the rose bush for fungus. Sunwarmed, meditative spraying each early baby leaf. Underfoot, the bumble bees wrestle with the creeping purple thyme. I check in on the pumpkin patch (nothing yet), then inspect the raspberry bush I’m training over our fence from our neighbor’s overgrown yard. Our little yard is littered with golf balls (???) from the previous tenants. Adds a certain ambiance. 

I sit and draw for the rest of the afternoon. The day moves fast, the cats sleep in the office with me. I drink a cold drink and then a hot one (seltzer, tea). I make lists. I cross some things off, but not all. Not even close. A fat carpenter bee taps at the window in rhythm, announcing golden hour. I make a minor breakthrough in a long overdue project and feel like a king. I fully stop working in celebration and spend the rest of the evening making small strange meticulous art and watching Arrested Development (s1). I think I want a tattoo of a flaming banana stand. 

I doodle some silly little guys and lines and creatures. It’s peaceful. Through the wall I can hear my new neighbor, still unpacking. He takes the stairs much louder than the last neighbors, but it's nice to know someone's on the other side of the wall again. My partner comes home late hot off a new project, ready to tell me all about it. We have tea and talk for ages. Suddenly, slowly, it’s bedtime. We sleep fast. And repeat.

Mars is a multidisciplinary artist living & working in Brewerytown with their muse & 2 cats. Mars loves sticking their hands in dirt, this summer they're hoping to have a big, bright garden. Their work can currently be found @celerysituation.