Mary

I finally got to sleep early last night so I feel a lot better this morning, even though I still laid there till the last possible minute before getting up and frantically getting dressed and throwing my shoes on. I greeted my roommates cat that I have a love-hate relationship with (I love her, she hates me), grab my bike helmet and run out the door to the nearest Indego dock. It’s been actually cold while I bike to work, and the closer I get to work downtown, the more anxious I get trying to weave in between cars and get around blocked off streets for construction.

I started this job 3 weeks ago at a bigger law firm than the last one I worked at. It’s so weird that my goofy ass ended up in law when 3 years ago I was changing diapers at a free preschool. That job pissed me off so much I left teaching, and the next job pissed me off so much I decided to stop working in jobs that I felt like I’d have any emotional connection to. I just want to make money, have health insurance and not get overworked because I care too much.

I’m still adjusting to things at this firm, so I feel really tired at the end of every day because I feel like I’m “on” all day and smiling and trying to seem enthusiastic as possible. I take everything way too seriously till I get comfortable at a job and I’m able to figure out who I can relax around. But for now I will be anxious. Office jobs really are just type, make small talk, fake laugh, type, print, make small talk, ask question, answer email, type, print. They aren’t strict about phones here so I text two of the funniest people in my phone when I get bored: my best friend and sibling.

My supervisor wreaks of cigarettes in the mornings but she has the funniest laugh and has worked here for 30 years so she has a very chill way of being. My brain gets so confused smelling cigarettes at 9am at work at not 11pm outside. I’m the young one at the job again, which has been the case for the last couple of years of jobs. This job seems nice though, everyone just likes my tattoos and thinks it’s great I’m not married and don’t have kids like they did when they were my age.

I love my lunch walks, just walking around in circles in center city and maybe stopping at some stores to look around. I got a little smoothie from one of the smoothie trucks today. My stomach has been super fucked up this week so I hope it helps.

Back to work, I’m starting to feel more confident in the little tasks I’m assigned. I have a lot more to learn but I’m getting the hang of some things so far.

I’ve enjoyed being out and about this summer, but my days are slowing down a bit more and I’m choosing to only hang with my friends or go somewhere maybe 2 or 3 times a week and try to get more rest as its getting chillier. I keep intending on resting and doing nothing on the weekends but then overbooking myself and not getting sleep or doing errands till the week starts. I want to hibernate this winter. My best friend is a Taurus and would probably rarely leave their house if they didn’t have to and honestly, that’s kind of the move.

My Mom speaks fluent Irish Gaelic from living in Donegal in the 80s and keeping up with lots of her friends there over the years. So after taking her there for her birthday last year, I got really interested in learning it myself and figured I should take advantage of the free lessons and opportunity to make my Mom extremely happy. So once a week, I Facetime my mom and she answers with “Cad e mar ta tu inniu, a thaiscidh!” (How are you today, my darling/my treasure) and we go through this book she loves and I ask how to say things and frantically write things down while she talks at full speed. Tonight is a great night for that because I’m tired. My favorite thing to say before we hang up is “Gra mo chroi thu” which means you’re the love in my heart, and I think its such a beautiful way to say I love you. I want to get a tattoo of it.

After that, it’s just shower and brush teeth time. I’m working on writing a book of short stories from my life, so I like to chip away at that in the evenings with TikTok breaks in between. I want it to be something I add to for years, and maybe make into small separate books that I bind myself, but I only just started it this summer so we shall see where it all goes.

I check my work bag one more time and think about what I will wear to work tomorrow. Not a remarkable day, but a good one. I love my big bed and my big room all to myself. I have my calico critter collection on shelves next to my bed, and random shit that I love all over my walls. I think I tweeted this when I was high as fuck one time but I feel it all the time, I really feel like I’m living the best years of my life. If getting older is just being more and more happy about small and simple things that I didn’t used to have, then I’m so excited.

Mary is a lover of South Philly, calico critters, biking, Gaelic, gnomes, writing, dark chocolate and dancing and you can find them on Instagram at @_n4kiru_