Megan (she/her)
Starting off with levity because my day is...not good?
8AM- I wake up completely unprepared to face the day. I scroll on Instagram and see the latest from Palestine. There is nothing to celebrate today.
8:30AM- I throw clothes for the weekend in a bag. In a weird twist, I’m not even going to be in Philly today, my assigned diary day. I’m headed back to my hometown because our family dog is dying. An at-home euthanasia service will come by tomorrow at noon so we can say goodbye peacefully. I try my hardest to look at this as a gift—we get to give him one last good day, we get to prevent him from suffering, we get to comfort him until the end. Still, I know I will spend most of the day being reminded that there is nothing to celebrate.
8:45AM- I get in the car and make a stop at Alif, one of my favorite places to get coffee in the city. I think about a date I recently went on where we ordered two of their injera wraps and ate them in Clark Park. I think about how nice that was and wish I could go back to a time before I knew my dog was dying.
9AM- I get back in the car. I pull out my phone to text my family that I’m on my way, but I get distracted by social media. This time it’s Facebook. A friend of mine has shared a link to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund. It’s right below a post made by an older woman I used to work with. She says that in honor of the 4th, she’s searching for a Daughters of the American Revolution bumper sticker for her car, if anyone has any leads on where to buy one. I head towards the turnpike and queue up Brat to keep myself from grief-spiraling on this 2.5-hour drive home. It only sort of helps.
11:45AM- I take the exit towards my small town and see several ambulances and police cars. There’s been a car accident. I don’t know anyone involved, but I’ll later learn there was a fatality. I think about how dumb and frustrating it is that so much bad shit can happen at once. Near and far, it seems like no one can catch a break.
12PM- I walk into the house and find our dog on his bed. He looks good, but tired. At the very least, we know he’s comfortable. I get a second alone with him, so I lay on the floor next to him and scratch him behind the ears. I thank him for all the joy he's brought me over the years. I remind myself that saying goodbye with dignity is a blessing. I feel sad and grateful.
12:30PM- My parents and I eat lunch. It feels weird to do something so normal on a day like today. No one tells you how to act while you’re waiting for someone you love to die.
12:52PM- We clean up lunch and head into the living room. Traffic is being diverted down our small street as they continue to clear the nearby accident. A huge pickup truck towing an even bigger boat flies by and beeps its horn. It’s not a regular car horn—instead it plays the first few notes of Yankee Doodle. It is so bizarre and sudden and stupid that it makes us all laugh for the first time today.
130PM- We all lay down in the living room—the dog included. Napping next to him whenever I’m home is one of my favorite things to do.
4PM- We distract ourselves by making a nice dinner. We pick cucumbers from my dad’s garden for a salad. My mom makes focaccia. We steam shrimp, crab legs, and clams. We check in on each other with tenderness in our voices. I am so glad to be here with them.
6PM- We clear the table and head back to the living room, where we spend the rest of the night doting on the dog. We hear a loud and sudden burst of fireworks and look at one another with confused faces. Then we remember what day it is and we laugh it off.
9PM- As the day ends, I make a mental list of things I know for sure: our dog has lived a good, long life; it’s hard to lose him because we’ve loved him so much; he’s brought so much joy to our lives; he is ready to go even though we are not ready to let him go; etc.
Spencer in his younger years. He was a good boy.
I am so grateful to be part of a family who will care for one another until the very end.
Megan (she/her) lives in west Philly with her sister and their two cats. You can find her going on long walks all over the city.
