Tyler Burgese

I need to tell you something...I went to a lesbian wedding today. Life really doesn’t get much better than that! Imagine my delight when I realized my invitation to be a +1 coincided with what many are calling Tyler’s Big Day in Philadelphia—what an absolute thrill. I hope this detail has gotten you sufficiently hooked so I can string you along through the rest of my otherwise normal day before getting to the main event.

I absolutely love living in Washington Square West, so I naturally spent almost no time there today. My day started with a bike ride to Fishtown to meet my friend Jeff, who is a highly talented dancer and overall wonderful person. We got coffee at Forin and took their dog Newton for a long Saturday morning walk. They showed me lots of charming parts of the neighborhood I’d never seen before, ending with a nice little sit in Palmer Park.

After parting ways with Jeff, I pedaled my way over to Meetinghouse, a fantastic restaurant in the same-ish neighborhood. It was recently named one of Bon Appetit’s top 20 new restaurants of 2024, but we thankfully didn’t have trouble getting an outdoor table at noon for lunch. I shared a gorgeous meal with my friend Danny, who organizes the Philly Queer Book Club at Giovanni’s Room. We gossiped and giggled as is our habit, and Danny got some complimentary clams because the server heard him talk about wanting them. A+ service! 

We were finished by 1:30 so I had much more time than I thought I would before needing to get ready for the wedding. On my journey home, I took a brief pit stop in Washington Square where I thought I’d have a peaceful sit, but instead I spent a few minutes watching a group of teenagers in Halloween costumes do what seemed to be TikTok dances. They were honestly doing an amazing job and clearly having fun, so I can’t even pretend to be upset. 

I spent some time at home eating various snacks and lint rolling my suit one million times. I'm sure that by now you've heard about how good and lint-free I looked on my walk to the wedding shuttle. I was going as the date of my dear friend Tali, and center city traffic tried really hard to keep us apart. I found the shuttle driver vaping on the sidewalk and successfully stalled him long enough for her to arrive.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Tali took a bit of a tumble off of the curb mere moments after she arrived. I didn’t notice until I was going up the shuttle stairs and saw my beloved date on the pavement of Chestnut street. Strike one for me! I like to think I made up for it by sharing the double cosmo I'd packed with her.

I do not know where the wedding was because I was carted both ways by this lovely vehicle but I will say that it was gorgeous! There was a mansion involved and the ceremony was outdoors on the bank of the Delaware river. The brides, Julia and Amanda, delivered truly beautiful vows and started their married life together before my eyes! What a miracle! Between this wedding and reading Ina Garten’s memoir recently, my cold heart has thawed and I once again believe that love exists.

Something that may be of interest to the reader is that I’m an excellent wedding date (except if you fall down in the street and I don’t notice). I enjoy chitchatting with strangers and exploring new places, and I ESPECIALLY lov to dance. The music rocked, as did my two martinis from the open bar. It’s humiliating to share this, but one of the servers at the venue complimented my dancing and my confidence will be coasting on this well into 2025.

There was an afterparty in the basement of the mansion complete with Taco Bell and a nonzero amount of lap dances. I was pretty worn out by this point so I pretty much sat in the corner swaddling myself in Tali’s pashmina while staring at everyone and taking Polaroids. 

Discussing what happened after midnight on my Day in Philadelphia surely violates the terms of my contract, but I’m going to carry on anyway. There was a cute boy at the wedding who told me his birthday was the following day (Sunday the 20th) so when I noticed it was 12:01 on my watch, I was the first person to wish him a happy birthday because I am a very kind and thoughtful person.

We all boarded the shuttle home and Tali and I did the amazing activity of reminiscing about the past few hours. We sat behind our stunning bride Julia who kept misplacing her phone somehow. (I should also mention that she owns and operates the wonderful Philly Cheese School!) 

I walked home from the shuttle wearing Tali’s pashmina that I don’t plan to give back to her. A highlight from the walk was hearing someone say the following to their friend: “Then I felt bad for Jacob because he came dressed as the fucking Lorax and nobody else was even in costume.”

Sorry Jacob! And goodnight Philadelphia! If you have thick thighs and want to date me, please be in touch.

Tyler Burgese is literally some random gay guy. He lives in Philadelphia with his cat, Judy, and a large pile of books that he'll definitely get to this year. Pretty please follow him on Instagram and Twitter at @tjburgese <3