Whitney

Back to the routine of it all. I actually somewhat look forward to Monday mornings. It’s like a lap and now I’m back at the beginning. It’s a reset day, the day to transition into the week of things. It’s 9:29am, and I’m sipping coffee, the cats within a couple feet radius of me. Alright, just kidding, Timothy had to go to jail (basement) for a little - he had that look in his eyes (pure destruction) but Bunny is being the perfect little angel baby that she always is. She looks like a muffin right now. I wonder what she’s thinking about.

I have about an hour before my meeting with my manager and I’m going to treat this time as sacred. This is the first time I’m alone since Friday and I’m eating it up. After a full weekend (the kind where you’re running on fumes and your voice kind of hurts from talking so much, but you also sort of have an afterglow about you that transcends all the bad stuff), I’m ready to pull my energy in, keep my head down, and go into work mode.

The house is quiet. I don’t mind winter so much. I’m an introvert at heart, and winter gives me a freedom that no other season has to offer. The world goes dark and quiet, and suddenly the world opens up. It feels like time stops dead in its tracks and you can do whatever you want. On the other hand, summer pulls you into a million different directions. The possibilities are endless! But that hold on you is strong and decision fatigue is real and by the end of it all, you feel like you can’t claim your life as your own. But winter is a season of reclaiming, of rest and reset. I think about the moves I want to make in silence, set my intentions, pull all the energy back in. If I could spend my whole life in the bubble of morning, I would. But it’s time to turn my brain off and move into my body, into doing.

11:46 am: meeting went well. I think it’s time to eat something. Today feels like any other day to be honest. But it’s in these moments that I realize this is what makes up the bulk of life. The in between moments. I don’t want to spend my life passing through these moments, tarzaning from big life event to the next. I want to find presence at 11:51 am, November 18, 2024. There’s a richness in the air. It’s easy to see these moments as dull, mundane. But in these moments there’s a certain stillness, a nothingness - which - is really potential for anything I want. This existentialism comes and goes and I snap back into my day. Time for breakfast.

Breakfast is two dippy eggs over two slices of toast and a drizzle of sriracha with a side of the daikon kimchi I made months ago - even more delicious today than it was back in August. I feel grateful for my ability to make kimchi. Some other things I’m grateful for today: working from home, not being hungover (I wasn’t drinking last night but every day waking up sober counts), basic homeostasis (got enough sleep, not sick, etc), being able to trust my own mind, cats, sourdough starter, routine.

1:16 pm: The lull of the afternoon is hitting. I know I was talking about how much I love winter and its darkness, but the thought of it getting dark in 3 or 4 hours makes the panic set in. Before I get back into work, I need to put some laundry in and get some music playing. Today’s album of choice is Imaginal Disk by Magdalena Bay.

2:47 pm: laundry has been switched over, the cats are asleep, designs for work are submitted, and I can’t help but feel like life is one big to do list that needs to be crossed off. I wonder what it would feel like once all my silly little tasks are crossed off. Would I add more to my list or would I finally be free?

I calculate when I need everything else done for work this week and grab my camera and hard drive and start downloading the videos I took this weekend at my friend’s 30th birthday celebration. 30 sounds soooo old and yet my life feels like it’s only starting. I’m excited for the change in lifestyle - leaning into ease, routine, and investing in the friendships I already have instead of spreading myself thin by saying yes to friends of friends of friends. I’m working on only saying yes to what I want.

3:57 pm: The day feels like it’s been two days long. Here’s the silly little tiktok I made lol. Not going to lie, my brain needs the tiny hits of dopamine right now. It’s already kind of sort of getting dark. Should I go to the gym? I also desperately need to get groceries. Life always feels heavy this time of day.

4:20 pm: I decide last minute to get out of the house and go for a run. At this point I’m racing the sun but I don’t care. Running might be one of my favorite ways to experience this city—it all hits you and once, in a flash, and you feel like you’re flying. I also can’t help but note all the smells: pretzels, laundry detergent, cigarette smoke, pho spices, cold cement, cheap body spray, fried food. The smell of life happening.

5:08 pm: I’m back home now, the cats around me while I stretch. I close my work laptop for the night and head upstairs for a shower before making my way back out into the world for groceries. Just gotta keep moving now. Good job whit, you got this. 

5:35 pm: Col gets home just as I’m heading out. It would be too easy to melt into his arms and call it a night. But I have to keep moving. C’mon whit just a little bit longer.

7:08pm: I put away the groceries and cook dinner. Col threw some crab cakes in the oven while I was gone just to hold us over. We’re both starving and just want to shake work off now. This is really the part of the day where I’m exhausted and ready to turn my brain off and veg. It’s my turn to cook for us and I make a sort of kind of general tso dish with chicken, tofu, and broccoli. I give Col most of the chicken and myself most of the tofu and we feel happy. I tell him to “queue it up” and he knows it’s time to eat and watch our show. Tonight it's Survivor. We can’t help but laugh at Rome and Col says “he’s such a bol!” IYKYK.

8:38 pm: It’s trash night, or what Col and I call the cursed night. It’s the night he deep cleans the litter box while I clean out the fridge. The sooner I can get that over with, the better. I exchange voice memos with Olga and we talk about what we ate today and our family. It makes life feel happier and easier.

9:12 pm: I feed my sourdough and add strawberries, blueberries, brown sugar, and oat milk to a couple of bowls for dessert for the two of us.

10:09 pm: Col and I get ready for bed together, he has a headache. We do our duolingos and read the rest of the night. Currently reading: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara - can’t put this book down. One of the best things I did for myself this year was get a library card. Honestly the most average but good day. I set my alarms to go into the office tomorrow and fall asleep. 

Whitney is a marketing coordinator and photographer. She enjoys experimenting in her kitchen, running, and overall just trying to maintain homeostasis each day without having an existential crisis. You can find her on instagram at @whibrismi.