Molly
I woke up this morning around 7:45 after going to bed at 10:30 the night before. I had a dream last night that a friend of mine—who I've been having friendship troubles with for some time now—showed up to my house and completely ignored me. My roommate had to console me (in my dream). I want to say that I wonder what it could mean or what it reflected, but it's a pretty straightforward dream that reflects how I've been feeling in this friendship: ignored, deprioritized, abandoned, uncared for. I woke up feeling sad and uncomfortable. This is not the first dream like this I've had recently.
I like waking up early on weekends. I want to experience my mornings and still have a full day ahead of me.
I brewed some coffee, threw in a load of laundry, and sat on the couch with Henry. We call it a "slow morning" when we sit on the couch sipping our coffee until 9:00. Chores are hard for me, so doing some laundry before 9:00 and remembering to flip it from the washer to the dryer in a timely manner feels like a real accomplishment. Henry and I talked to his mom on the phone for a bit. We worried about the weather.
I had three general tasks / plans ahead of me for the day (all of which involved some sub-tasks, but they were as follows):
go to the gym (climbing)
get jumpsuits that are formal enough to wear to weddings (ugh)
prep food for cookout and then host cookout (so four plans, I guess)
By 9:00 I was making the bean salad for the cookout. I used scallions from our potted garden out back and they were huge and made me cry while I cut them.
And here is the recipe for the bean salad:
The bean salad turned out very tasty.
After this we went to the climbing gym. It was pretty empty and there was a new set up, so I got a good amount of time on the wall. One thing I really love about the climbing community is how friendly people are and how willing they are to chat with you about pretty much anything. On the other hand, sometimes I really love a good solo climb. It's nice to not be accountable to anyone else and just get to focus on what I'm doing on the wall. I sent a few new-to-me climbs that had me feeling really good. I took a couple silly little videos and posted them to my instagram story. It was a good sesh.
After climbing, I picked up a friend & we drove to the Philadelphia Mills Mall in Northeast so I could get a few things to wear to the various zillion weddings I have this year. I have one this weekend that's semi-formal (what does that mean? seems flexible. idk.) & another at the end of the month that's Black Tie Optional (which I think means Formal, but if you went Black Tie you wouldn't be overdressed). None of these things mean anything to me, really. Sometimes I feel like there's some sort of code that everyone else is somehow aware of, but I missed the memo, & it causes me a lot of stress. Especially gender stress. I want to look appropriate, but also feel good & comfortable & like myself & sometimes those things feel like they're at odds. I mean, should we set aside our own personal comfort for someone else's wedding? I don't think they'd want me to do that.
Anyway. We went to Reclectic, which has discounted stuff from Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters, & Free People. Even though it's located in a mall, the place is vast, undecorated, & filled racks & racks & racks of clothing. & also lots of boxes of clothing yet to be unearthed. It was like an underdressed department store. It was overwhelming & there were no dressing rooms (something I was not prepared for), so I ended up trying all these jumpsuits on over the cotton jumpsuit I was already wearing. It was awkward & hard to tell if things would actually look good, but Cathy was there & made me feel good & sure about the ones I ended up choosing. I ended up getting three for only $81 (total!!) & when I tried them on at home they all felt really good!
I got home at 2:30-ish & it was time to finish up the cookout prep. Henry had been marinating some chicken wings that turned out spectacularly (photo to come with the rest of the cookout photos). Here is the recipe; it's less of a recipe & more of a story that you have to decipher to get the recipe, but it's very good & worth it. I made some German style potato salad (no mayo! lots of mustard!) & it was very tasty & lovely & purple.
The recipe:
3pounds red new potatoes
¼cup red wine vinegar
3tablespoons whole grain Dijon mustard
½cup olive oil
6scallions, chopped
½cup chopped parsley
¼cup chopped dill
Salt and pepper
Place the potatoes in a large stockpot, and cover with water. Bring to a boil, and cook until the potatoes are tender, about 20 minutes. Drain and allow to cool. When cool, cut the potatoes in half.
Combine the vinegar and mustard in a large bowl. Slowly whisk in the olive oil.
Add the potatoes to the vinaigrette, and mix gently but thoroughly. Toss in the scallions, parsley and dill. Salt and pepper to taste.
The potato salad in question:
We had 12 friends come over for our cookout. I was worried it was going to rain the entire time (it was supposed to!!), but it ended up holding out the entire time folks were over & turned into a beautiful evening. We served: bean salad, potato salad, burgers, hot dogs, veggie brat (for me), chicken wings, & lamb chops.
Oh & also clams. We bought 2 dozen clams from the Fresh Grocer on Grays Ferry & ate them raw. We cleaned them first. All you have to do is go back & forth between gently tossing them in cold water, then hot water. The hot water opens them up & allows for any sand & dirt in them to be washed out. When you put them in cold water, they close back up. If they don't close back up in the cold water or on ice, they are dead & you should not eat them. Luckily, we only lost one of our 24.
Here's a shucked clam and a photo of Henry teaching Jack how to open them with a cheese knife:
The clam aftermath:
This afternoon made me feel really grateful for the life I have here in Philly. I moved from Minneapolis almost four years ago, in the depths of Covid, and I was really worried about making friends. Now I have a life full of wonderful, thoughtful, kind, and artistic weirdos who make me feel more like myself every day. They make the hurt of a friend breakup a little more bearable. The high of hosting a successful cookout with a bunch of my friends still hasn't worn off and now I just want to share photos of some of the lovely people who light up my life on a daily basis:
Alexi grilling lamb chops:
Stephen, Danya, David, and Justin chatting and eating some watermelon:
Sam, Katie, and Mara posing for me:
And one of the crew:
I love Philadelphia, I love the summertime, and here's a final photo of the chicken wings that slapped:
Molly is a bee enthusiast and zine maker who lives in South Philly. You can find them climbing, crying, dancing, or taking meandering walks across the city. You can follow their art account on Instagram at @molly.with.her.bee
