z

6:30: wake up against my will because i am starving. I went to my partner's work dinner at middle child last night where they said they would 'hook it up'. They did not hook it up. If middle child has no haters i am dead. We went to my friend's birthday brunch there two years ago and a half hour after we sat down roe v wade got repealed.

7:33: i prepare slop: 

2 servings oatmeal

55 grams of goat cheese

9 asparagus spears

half a jar of red peppers

Hot sauce, salt and pepper

Ive been successfully losing weight since january and the most straight forward path towards that goal is eating 90 percent of your meals at home and cooking literally everything from scratch. Even though i am known to 'chef it up' it is frequently fucking annoying so much of the time the end result is slop or bowl meal. I learned recently that my mom is getting on ozempic and now i feel like the whole world except me and my slop is on ozempic.

10:49 am: i go back to sleep for three hours. <3 underemployment. I make farçous, a french swiss chard pancake. It's akin to the socca / chickpea pancakes at good king

Farçous recipe from sunday (made just under two quarts of batter)

1 medium onion

5 garlic cloves

3 eggs

1 cup milk 

1 cup all-purpose flour

½ baking soda

½ tsp salt

Lots of black pepper

2 bunch Swiss chard stemmed 

10-12 parsley sprigs

Vegetable oil

Probably don't follow this recipe. Too much garlic and a bizarre ratio of flour to milk. My mom and i were using the worlds smallest food processor and had to improvise

11:30 i get ready for a 1 oclock server interview. I hate going to interviews in the summer. I am the sweatiest person I have ever met and i cant go on any of the new medication my psych prescribes me bc the number one side effect is always excessive sweating, which i feel like is new. There used to be a lot of fear mongering about weight gain and now its just Big Sweat. I can't begin to conceptualize how much sweatier i could possibly become. I went to an interview in 2019 in the dead of july and the host literally said omg.. are you okay? 

12:20 i get an iced green tea and chat with barista. It is only 75 degrees. Sweat nightmare narrowly averted.

1:00 i get ANOTHER iced green tea. Plastic pollution royalty. Interview time ! 

2:00 i think the interview went well. I have to pee and i dont want to walk home because of pee but everytime i wait half an hour for the 4 i feel like a clown. 

(Why dont you take the BSL? i hate being subterranean. Its unnatural. Man should not shuffle below a city like a ghoul much like man should not fly above the earth in a metal tube)

Other notable Clown Buses include the northbound 47 but not the southbound 47, the 64 (enemy #1), and the 40. Sound off in the comments about your Clown Bus of choice 

I went to a show in december off germantown ave and took the XC bus which i now have a soft spot for even though i literally have taken it once. Getting picked up at 12:30 am after a set in the fog next to a gas station paying for a pepsi with coins was giving rock bottom bus.  I like the 17 (accordion bus), the 57 (unnaturally reliable), and the 2. Against my better judgement i am a 45 defender. If the 45 has no lovers i am dead. 

2:44 it is time to go to the Wednesday farmers market. I missed the weekend farmers market which is a gigantic party foul against the stability of my week. wednesday farmers market has palliative but not curative qualities

3:50 i got the Fear and havent left for the farmers market yet. I havent had so many weekdays off in a row since covid and im split between enjoying the non-office work rhythm of the city and feelings of paralytic opportunity. Sometimes i wonder if i would like being a stay at home spouse in like lower merion. Deliciously regressive of me. Hard not to fantasize about driving an 80k SUV around the suburbs and being the chair of some bogus indulgent non profit for like - what are liberal bourgeois causes anyways? Historic preservation... Feels right. I vote for joe biden but have dark libidinal fantasies of GOP affiliation. I attend barre. I feel nothing for my husband but i LOVE the landscaping guy. I reject Botox but suffer a tragic lumpy fate at the hands of cool sculpting. Whatever. Still havent left for the farmers market 

4:28 i forgot i have to call the IRS. literally catastrophic. I have to go on reddit to figure out how to get in touch with an actual person and it feels purposefully, sadistically byzantine. You have to deliberately not enter your social, answer these riddles three. They say they'll call me back in 27 minutes. Farmer's market is feeling increasingly unobtainable. I guess i have to take this ridiculous form with me 

4:52 irs still has not called me back. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate. I am the AI in i have no mouth but i must scream. HATE!

4:59: they called me back. Now its time to wait....... I can extra sensorily detect that all the rhubarb is wilting at the farmers market

5:07 i think everything is fine. Thank you government

5:11 im so iconic and skinny i havent eaten anything since 11 am. I panic drank a beer (not skinny) while i pleaded with the irs for my life and am regretting it.

6:08 we made it to the farmers market against all odds. Procured: 

Corn 

Peppermint 

Parsley

Green beans

Cucumbers (big and pickling)

Garlic

Milk jawn mint and key lime pie ice cream cones

I made lacto pickles. Contents are mustard/fennel/cumin/celery seeds, black peppercorn, dill stems and garlic. 4% salt brine. Lower merion house spouse WHO?!

6:45 dinner: gigantic ribeye with Corn/cucumber/moz/pepperoncini salad on the side. Didnt take a picture. Cucumber is suspiciously flavorless...... Not liking the implications 

7:30 I change into my second inappropriate green tank top of the day. I am going to [redacted] house to watch the phils. Something unknowable in spirit has taken over me and i only buy heineken anymore. Dark, green forces are at work today

8:30 love the phils. I ask whats so hard about being a catcher bc jt is out. there's random guys who are not jt standing on the plate [edit: my partner said 'i dont understand what youre trying to say here. Why are they on the plate? You mean behind the plate? What are you talking about?'] and they are not catching the ball

9:06 this game sucks

9:43 i leave, disspirited. 8-5 boston and the bases are loaded in the bottom of the 7th and turnbull looks like hes going to cry. I cant handle it. Im obsessed with the [redacted bar] on my walk home from [redacted] house in an anthropological manner and am always tempted to go sit down and observe but my inappropriate tank top begs to differ. One time after a party i begged people to go in there and they said no and i made a big scene but then we saw the suitcase from search party and i got over it 

10:30 i water the plants and take out the recycling. I am sweating like never before. Goodnight, haters and losers 

Z is excited for tomato season !!!